Ordinary
by MyImaginaryFriendBeff
Summary: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH
1. Reflection

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Prologue_

I didn't know it was possible to, at the same time, love and hate your face. To be awed but disgusted. To be beautiful but completely, utterly unlucky. To love and be loved. To be loved and to be lost.

I would forever be thankful for this face.

But it would forever be my curse.

I stared back at her. Wide hazel brown eyes, the same color as my long wavy locks. My long eyelashes would create a shadow beneath my eyes for their length. My pale skin, and slightly defined cheek bones. My shaped lips, the bottom one plumper than the top. A small mole that defined my face, that what others believed, to charm and complete it, my face that is.

I had gotten it into my mind that maybe he left me because I wasn't good enough.

Not pretty enough.

When, he actually left me because it was too much.

I narrowed my eyes at my reflection. I turned to leave the bathroom, turned off the light and closed the door.

**A/N: **Hi. When you look back at your reflection, what do you see?


	2. Beautiful Nightmare

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter One_

He was there right in front of me. Neither of us moving, but his smile was beautiful. So happy and carefree as he stared back at me. I was smiling too. My heart felt as if it were soaring. I don't think I have ever felt this happy, this content.

But then, he was gone.

I opened my eyes and it wasn't real.

It was a dream.

I sighed.

I slept again.

I was in, what it seemed to be, his room.

I was rummaging through his things, finding love letters from various girls.

I was looking for my own. I did not care that I was making a mess.

He came in and I explained myself. He merely smiled and helped me clean up the strewn letters.

We were silent as he looked at me. He looked at me warily as if he was unsure if I was angry at him or not.

As always, I cracked a joke and we both laughed.

My laughing had suddenly turned into crying.

So in front of him, I cried and he knew. I knew that he knew.

He looked as if he were in pain.

And then he was gone—again.

I opened my eyes and wept.

I prayed I wouldn't dream of him again. My heart yearned for him back.

My system yearned for more sleep.

Again, he was there. He was beautiful as always. He was beautiful _to me_ as always. We were in a meadow of sunflowers. I was happy and squealing as he chased after me.

"_I'm gonna' get you!"_

"_Nooo" _

I laughed as I kept running.

But then I couldn't hear his foot falls anymore.

I turned and found him crouched, out of breath with beads of sweat on his forehead.

My brows scrunched in confusion, for I didn't feel tired at all.

I felt alive and free.

Apparently, he didn't.

I awoke with a gasp this time.

Hot tears ran down my cheeks as I slapped my own face. I cried out, and slapped my face repeatedly.

"Stop it! Stop it! No more.. No more.." I whimpered to myself.

Stop dreaming of him, Bella. Stop wanting him.

Stop loving him.

That night, I didn't dream of him again.

**A/N: **What was the most sweet dream, or _beautiful nightmare_


	3. No Monsters No Men

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter Two_

I woke up and waited for it to resurface, as it did every morning, every day.

And resurface it did.

Heavy pressure rested on my chest, above my heart and lungs, making it difficult to breathe with ease.

I felt dizzy, as if I was about to throw up or collapse.

My hands slightly shook uncontrollably.

I felt the need to run.

To run away from the danger behind me.

There was something coming after me.

I can feel it.

It's there.

It's there.

Run.

Run, Bella.

Run.

But it isn't.

Nothing is there.

There are no monsters, no men.

No one that can hurt me is coming after me.

No one behind me.

So I stayed in place.

It terrified me even more.

**A/N: **Hi. Has your first heartbreak ever affected you permanently, and years later, it's still there?


	4. What is in a name?

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter Three_

He had changed his password on Facebook.

Of course he would.

After the scene I made, even if it wasn't made in person,

_of course_ he would change it.

He never texted.

He never said anything.

One day, he was just gone.

No goodbye. No explanation.

He didn't even give me a chance to change his mind.

What happened?

Baby, what's wrong?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

So I didn't text either.

So I was gone too.

But then I saw something.

Then _they_ saw something.

They saw, they told me.

He humiliated me.

Three months later.

A text.

A missed call.

He didn't have the strength to tell me, he said.

He couldn't face me, he said.

He's a coward, I said.

But of course, I only said that to myself.

He said he missed me.

He missed me.

He missed me.

"I don't think _Isabella _would appreciate that very much."

Isabella.

Isabella.

My name.

_My name._

When I first saw it, I couldn't believe it.

How could he?

How _could he?_

How could he look into her eyes, call her _my _name, and not think of me?

I have been in his life for _five years. _

Two months after it happened, one month before he contacted me again.

His facebook said he was in a relationship with _Isabella Denali._

I clicked, of course.

And what I saw, still bothers me til' now.

She had fair, pale skin and round brown eyes. She had makeup on, more than I apply. She seemed small, as if she could only reach my chin. She only reached his neck. Her hair, dark brown, same length as mine had been when we were together.

She had the same name as me and walked around looking like a _washed out_ version of me.

Like a frickin' kage bunshin no jutsu gone wrong.

What I did find interested me.

She was two years older than I was.

So, she was a year ahead of him.

She probably puts out.

That whore.

**A/N: **Hi. Sucks huh? But it happens. I swear. Trust me. It does. It _did._

_Kage bunshin no jutsu—_Shadow clone technique ( Naruto)


	5. Why am I here?

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter Four_

It had been a couple of months.

I wonder if he still thought of me.

Because I sure as hell _don't._

…

Kinda.

Sorta.

Maybe.

Yeah.

I saw his little brother Emmett being dropped off to school by their dad.

Emmett looks so much like him when we were younger.

It bothers me.

I sighed as I slouched in my seat.

It was 6:47am. My class was at 9am.

Since Charlie drops me off to campus and he has to go to work early, I _have _ to be early.

Unfortunately.

_Would you have the guts to say?_

_I don't love you like I did yesterday.._

Oh, My Chemical Romance, I think you're the only one that understands me.

I glanced around and uncrossed and crossed my legs under the green pencil skirt that was my uniform, and eyed the nursing students in white get down their bus from duty.

There was something missing.

Maybe it was there before or maybe it's because Edward is gone.

But something wasn't right.

Was this how it always felt?

In high school, in the mornings, did I always feel this way?

I feel like I had already failed even though the day hasn't even started yet.

I was unhappy here.

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

Then I remembered.

"_If I go to Port U I would be able to start fresh, you know? I would finally do things on my own. Enroll on my own, find my own way around. Unlike if I go to Forks', its Charlie's old school, and I would be known as "Charlie's daughter" and I don't want that. I want to be myself for a change! Dad would be the one to show me around, tell me the ropes. But just..I don't know. Nevermind."_

_We were quiet._

_I watched his eyes study me. It felt like he could see right through me. I narrowed my eyes, feeling naked by his gaze._

"_Then go. Go to Port U. You'll finally learn how to be independent. College is when we learn how to be real adults. Make our own choices and shit. No one would babysit you. Or call you "Charlie's kid" You'll just be you. Do it."_

"_It's not that easy Edward."_

"_Why not?"_

_I stared at him._

"_It.. Forks' is closer to the station and Port U is so far way and—"_

_He cut me off, "Not _that _far. Take a left at Roosevelt, and instead of going through East, take a short cut through Pine."_

_I was quiet. This was the first time we had seen each other again since we didn't work out. I wasn't sure what to say._

_Its traffic through Roosevelt in the morning, the uniform for Port U would make me look anorexic, green doesn't look nice with my skin color, I'd get lost in a university like that, I'd have to make new friends since for sure a lot my peers would go to Forks', the students there look—_

"_It's easy, Bella. You just like to make things complicated." He smiled, and I think my heart stopped a bit._

_Just tell Charlie. You know he'd let you if you told him you wanted to go to Port U."_

_And he would._

_I contemplated for a second._

_Just a second._

"_Okay." I said breathlessly._

_His brows furrowed a bit._

"_Okay?"_

_I nodded slightly dazed. I would do this. I would take the entrance exam for Port U. I would pass. I'd wear a green skirt for the next four years of my life. I was going to do this._

_Edward stuttered a bit before he said, "Are you sure?"_

_I laughed. "Well don't go changing my mind now!"_

I don't remember if I really did want this, or if it was just because he thought it would be a good idea that I went through with it.

But one thing was for sure.

I hated it here.

And 'hate' is a very strong word for me because _I _don't even hate him for what he did to me. I mean, yeah, I hate what he _did_ but I don't hate _him _for doing it.

You know?

**A/N: **Hi. What do you think so far? :)

I really don't know how college is for other areas of the world, but let's just say that here, we all have different uniforms depending on our college or university. Then in each college or university, there are different uniforms for the BS Nursing, Hotel and Restaurant Management, and in _Port U_ they have different uniforms for BS Psychology and BS Medical Technology (Medical Laboratory Science) too.


	6. The Queen and Her Servant

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter Five_

Eric, one of my new friends was walking me to my next class.

It was a friendly thing. Strictly platonic.

I hope he knew that at least.

He was being abnormally quiet.

I watched him from the corner of my eye and then I couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Huh?" his head snapped to my direction, "What?"

"What's going on? Why you being quiet?" I slowed down my pace and watched him fidget.

"You don't notice it?" He looked around and then his eyes rested on mine.

I glanced around at the students that were lounging around the building.

"Notice what?"

I really didn't know what he was talking about.

"They're all…_looking at you_" He exclaimed as he glanced around again.

I laughed and continued walking. I beckoned him to keep up with me.

"I don't know how to explain." I said bashfully.

I mean really how could I explain _that _without coming off as arrogant?

"I mean they all stare at you like you're some _queen _and I'm your servant or slave or something."

"No!" I laughed. "I just don't really notice it anymore." I turned my head and smiled at him. "I'm um..I'm kind of used to it."

He shook his head, his eyes wide as he looked around at the students that were staring at me again.

"If I were you, I think I would go crazy. People staring all the time…"

**A/N: **Wew. Hopefully more people give this a chance. I'm tryiiiiiiing :)


	7. Just Dance

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter Six_

_ARE YOU READYYYYY. SO WE CAN DO IT! OH YEAH! SO WE CAN DO IT! LET'S GO PORT ANGELES!_

This is what made me happy. This is the one thing that would make me forget my pain and my sorrow. I would only be thinking about the heat, the sweat that dripped down my forehead. My hair that was going out of it's place from all my movement.

My mind for the next step.

My ears for the beat of the music.

My feet for the pain.

My knees of bruises.

My muscles that were pained.

And everyone else that was besides me doing the exact same thing.

We practiced until our lips were dry. As though breathing felt like rubbing sand on the last part of our throats that had the only liquid left and sucked it dry.

Until our heads ached from memorizing steps and from the heat. Until all our hair was wet as if newly bathed. Until our bodies were sticky that the fabric of our clothing would cling unto us. Until the bruises on our knees produce cuts. Until our stomachs growled for food and our bodies give in and beg for rest.

All this was worth it. I could be away from everything. My family. My problems. My pain. I could hide and keep everything to the side for they were not important as of now. _This _is what was important.

The cheers of the drowd roared. My heart beat so fast, I felt like the audience could see it through my shirt.

I felt alive.

I felt happy.

I felt infinite.

In that moment, things were perfect.

Things were the way they were supposed to be.

But then no.

But then it isnt.

Because I know that there was supposed to be someone in the audience there for me. Someone on the bleachers being proud of me besides my own father.

But he isnt there.

My eyes narrowed, but my elation was too strong for my slight emo-ness to bring me down.

So I danced.

I danced _my ass off._

And I was great.

I turned my head and met eyes with my two closest friends, Kate and Irina.

Their smiles were broad and their eyes were shining.

Then, mine were too.

To be able to direct your focus on something else entirely—to your _passion_. To have a passion at all really, is a gift.

I had been dancing since high school, I had promised myself that in college I would stop. But..it's just so hard.

How could I just go on without having anything to inspire me?

**A/N: **What's your passion? What is it that makes you forget?


	8. Tramp at the Mall

**Ordinary**

**Summary**: "If I had the chance to live again, I would ask God to let me be ordinary because maybe you'd love me then. Maybe we could finally be together then." BxE AH

**Author: **cammycutie

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight :)

_Chapter Seven_

"—and then he said, 'I love you'—"

"_What?_" What an idiot.

"—I know right? That's what _I_ said. And he said that he's been feeling that way since we first saw each other—"

"—which is a bunch of bull crap that you shouldn't believe, babe." I rolled my eyes.

"Tsk. I _know_. I wonder if he knows that he wasn't the only one I was texting at the time. _Ha-ha!_"

I laughed along with her. "You're _so bad_!"

Irina and I were walking to the Health and Science building, where we saw Paul, Jared and John, our only boys in the class, on the steps before the entrance.

I smiled and gave Jared a _look_. He smiled back widely. He was cute.

Paul started waving frantically to us as we walked up to them.

"Hey! Did you guys do the assignment?" Jared and John were at each of his sides. Jared and I glanced at each other at the same time and smiled.

Irina still had that goofy smile on her face. She shook her head as she said, "No."

I didn't answer. They boys laughed and Irina asked if they did it, they didn't do it either.

She then asked Jared about Claire, this girl that he'd been trying to catch, and we all got caught up.

That is, until John bumped Paul with his shoulder and jerked his chin in my direction. Then the three looked at each other with wide eyes and Paul asked if he and Jared could talk to me personally.

Even before they told me, I just knew.

I _knew._

"Um..'cause uh..Bella. We uh..we kind of' saw Edward the other day at the mall, and uh.." Paul's eyes were glued to his shoes.

I grimaced.

"He was with a girl." Jared finished as he gave me a sympathetic look.

"We were with Leah and Emily and he saw us—"

"He probably saw their uniform first and thought you were with us 'cause he looked nervous at first…"

"I guess he remembered us from uh, when you uh, introduced us before.."

"He saw us and looked away really fast, then looked again."

"It was kind of funny actually. He actually looked _scared_."

"Oh right, like you could take him?"

"I could take him!"

"Right and you _didn't _make out with Leah last night."

Then Irina interjected.

"You two _kissed_?"

Paul laughed nervously and a blush rose on his russet cheeks.

"Awwww! He's blushing!"

Everyone laughed and then when they realized I wasn't laughing a long with them and had on just a tight smile on my lips, the laughing ceased.

Paul rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "So yeah. We saw him."

Pregnant pause.

"_Oh._"

Then it got awkward.

Paul looked like he expected me to burst out crying or something.

I just felt embarrassed.

So I did what anyone else would have done.

"Was she prettier than me?"

And we all burst out laughing.


End file.
